Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The other day, I had asked my brother-in-law what his New Year’s resolution was and his response was quite profound for me. “Why does it have to be a new year to make a choice? How about the one day you want to change something, just do it, don’t wait a whole year to make that change.”
Well, that’s pretty much the best advice for the greatest procrastinator to hear on New Year's day!
So then I found myself saying, “I won’t make a resolution this year,” but then I realized, I still was, in fact, making a resolution in spite of not.
Here I stand pretty much wasting my time about the act of resolution making instead of making my game plan. Game Plan? I like that. Game plans change, grow, they evolve, its not one hard-core rule that must be followed like not wearing brown and black together!
Plan number one for my game? Career. I WILL book more jobs this year. The level of my success is based on my tenacity. I read a “what tree are you” based on your birth date and year, and it said, “you are a lime tree with many talents but you are not tenacious enough to succeed in them.” It broke my heart to read that. My heart is mended. Now let me prove some ancient tree wisdom crud wrong!
Speaking of jobs, be sure to check me out on The Rachael Ray Show, this coming Monday, January 11th, 2010!
Click here for show times and channels!
I have also updated my website with new photos from a recent shoot, as well as some videos.
It’s definitely an exciting way to kick off my game plan!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Fortunately, for everyone, I am on the mend.
About 2 weeks ago, after a long thankless night of bar tending, to a very strange crowd, I might add, I locked my car and looked up into the clear night sky and saw millions of amazing stars.
I said, out loud:
"Whoever is in charge, please help light my light again. Please help me find my star and show me where to go. If I need to give up my dream, I will, it would just be really nice to know. Thank you. Oh and I love my husband, my mom, my dog and even my cats. Ok bye."
The following afternoon a casting comes across my lap: plus size model needed.
I submit my information and feel confident for the booking. The next morning I get a call, it's not decided yet, but the producer is to call me back if they want me.
Over coffee, Craig says to me, "now plays the waiting game," oh so very true.
I thought for sure by 2 pm I would have the call. Ok, by 3pm. I often feel like I hit this part of the game in this business, I spark an interest but never quite snag it.
All right, if I don't hear from him by 5 pm then I know, it wasn't for me.
5:15 pm I get the call and I have booked the job!
The following week, I was shooting a segment for The Rachael Ray Show! I worked with Ashley Falcon who is a plus size fashionista blogger from Marie Claire Magazine. And let me just say that my rack of clothes were right across from Heidi Klum’s. Oh, and Nina Garcia was diligently working throughout the office where we were shooting. I learned I could rock a “skinny” jean, and an I.N.C. sweater dress is on my Christmas list. It was a great two days to be doing what I love.
There was one point while shooting, where I started to worry. No one had said I was doing a great job. No one had said I was doing terribly, either. In the olden days of Bekah, at this point, I would have been my own worst enemy, crumbled to the ground and bombed the whole audition or job. The inner best friend came out, I took a deep breath, and reminded myself, “if you’re doing it all wrong, they’ll tell you, if you’re doing it right, they’ll keep moving forward,” which is exactly what we did.
I will, of course, post show times and channels of the segment.
Guess this dream isn’t getting hung up, just yet.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
It's been one of those times where things just kept getting dumped on me and I have been trudging along, barely. The only constant positive has been my husband, who I now know is a saint not only for putting up with me, but also for being the sweetest most supportive man ever. I certainly have not been easy to live with. Between toothaches, root canals, hardships at work, and now bronchitis, I haven’t been myself.
How could I?
For a while here I had lost my focus. I had lost my drive to actively pursue my acting and modeling craft at all times, which is a key factor in cultivating its growth. It is a business and I have let it go stagnant, a fact I am not proud to admit.
They say as destructive as a forest fire is, it is nature's way of rebirth, rebuilding and starting anew.
I am taking this as my opportunity to do just that.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
SKORCH magazine, which caters exclusively to size 12 and above, is coming back — in print!!! Available exclusively online before taking a year hiatus, the team announced that the publication of their first issue will be in time for The Holidays. Perfect timing for me! Leafing through pages of fashion at my fingertips is so much more fulfilling than scrolling online, not only because I always have so many tabs open and I get sidetracked easily, but also because there is something comforting about holding the printed page in my hand. What is even more exciting is that this magazine might be The One.
We are all aware of how most women’s magazines are filled with skinny, size 0 models — the covers, articles, editorials, and even the ads about shampoo! It is just a fact. So all of us who are not so emaciated feel left out and out of place as we read. If we started talking about TV and film media, I could go on for hours.
SKORCH on the other hand will be that magazine for us. Fashion for us! Articles for us! It will be as if we were leafing through Glamour, but without the hullabaloo of how it is such a big stinking deal that there is ONE size 14 model featured in it. I almost want to write,
Just because you have one plus sized model in your magazine doesn’t mean you’re full-figure friendly. I’d rather read about fashions for all sizes than fashions for small sizes. But since you have made it abundantly clear that you will only pay lip service, I will proudly take a magazine geared only to full figured women and leave yours at the newsstand.”
Look for it in December.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
So, is anyone else just plain disturbed by this re-occurring Old Navy campaign? I thought it would go away after such a negative response and I understand models are expensive, but to center multiple season campaign on Super Modelquins, who talk, nonetheless, is too absurd for me. They even have a story line for the dummies, and use phrases such as “bodacious booties.” Really!? It’s a mannequin — one of the illest forms of representation for the human body second, perhaps, only to Barbie. “Uh, You don’t have a bum, let alone a bootie, and I’d rather not waste my time or money at a place that obviously is not interested in my beautiful curves.”
Speaking of not wasting my time and money on a product not fit for me, let’s discuss my dear friend, who is in a wedding and purchased a $296.00 Jim Hjelm dress. It doesn’t fit. Not because she is deformed. Oh, heavens no! These designers and production teams do not take the time to properly fit the average woman with curves. The fact that the material will lay differently seems not even to be an afterthought. Oh wait, yes, the afterthought lies in the fact that if one is any size over an 8 she must PAY for extra material to be “added” on the dress. Why, yes, that’s a very nice after thought right in the pockets that profit from the average woman.
So whenever I want to reassure myself that I am a real live model, I click over here
Friday, July 24, 2009
*sound the chorus* or *pats self on the back*
My lack of gym time was part of the whole post wedding blues that I wrote about in a previous post. I had already determined I have moved on and have gotten back in my saddle again. (Okay, not fully, but at least I’ve got a toe in the stirrup.)
On this particular sunny day in Bekah World, I fought with the alarm, and even Craig for that matter, before dragging my oh-so-sleepy limbs out of my deep and peaceful slumber. Somehow I managed to sleepwalk my way into my baby blue gym pants paired with my hot pink t-shirt. Sneaks were on and tied and I was out the door to the sound of Craig’s praises.
Life was good and I was being a good kid.
After a vigorous two hour work out — weights, cardio, abs — cheeks flushed, blood pumping, full of energy, I was ready to tackle the day!
As I was preparing to leave, I had a “stop ‘n’ chat” about a new fitness regime with the lady who runs our classes. Another lady who seemed to be lurking around looked at me, and with the sweetest smile and most sincere tone in her voice said, “Aw, angel, with a pretty face like that, I’d get skinny.”
At that, I gave her what-for and punched her in the face.
Okay, not quite.
Turns out my brain didn’t even register her words at first. Instead, I felt myself go into shutdown mode. You know the feeling, when you imagine the floor swallowing you up as you escape with out a trace. I was wondering what was happening to me as I swallowed the huge lump that had formed in my throat, when it finally began to make sense in my brain.
Opposite of skinny...
These words floated across my mind’s eye as I tried to contain myself. The anger didn’t even hit me until I was speeding down Lehigh Street, relaying my encounter on my girls’ voicemails.
I don’t stay angry for long, it usually turns right into tears.
I haven’t been back to the gym since.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Take having friends for example. Moving so often, I have always been able to adapt to new situations and to meet new people. Being friendly and outgoing are easy for me, but at the same time I struggle on the inside with acceptance.
“Will she like me? Will she want to be my friend?” These are very common thoughts in my head.
When I bond with another person, it’s a true connection and I do my best to nurture the relationship. But then life gets in the way and I am on to my next destination. Few friendships have lasted but those that have are my “girls” — the ones I call upon when I need them. Even if we have not spoken for a while, we are back to “us” as soon as one of us picks up the phone, and I absolutely love them for that.
As we were planning the big move into our home last week, with everything unsettled, I had started to flounder. I was looking to everyone and everywhere for that sense of approval and acceptance. I was looking so far out that I had bypassed the central support system of my husband, my “girls” and my mom. I ended up feeling empty-handed, lonely and left out. Once I realized I wasn’t going to find acceptance, sympathy and encouragement anywhere else, I also realized that it’s not about quantity with friendships, but that quality is where the richness lies. Even more so, my focus needs to be on the only person I can really control — myself.
As Earl Woods would say to his son, Tiger when he would falter on his game,
“Just bring it back to the basics.”
And that’s what I am doing.