Back to the Drawing Board

Well, it has been a couple of months, but I have finally made it back to the gym.

*sound the chorus* or *pats self on the back*

My lack of gym time was part of the whole post wedding blues that I wrote about in a previous post. I had already determined I have moved on and have gotten back in my saddle again. (Okay, not fully, but at least I’ve got a toe in the stirrup.)

On this particular sunny day in Bekah World, I fought with the alarm, and even Craig for that matter, before dragging my oh-so-sleepy limbs out of my deep and peaceful slumber. Somehow I managed to sleepwalk my way into my baby blue gym pants paired with my hot pink t-shirt. Sneaks were on and tied and I was out the door to the sound of Craig’s praises.

Life was good and I was being a good kid.

After a vigorous two hour work out — weights, cardio, abs — cheeks flushed, blood pumping, full of energy, I was ready to tackle the day!

As I was preparing to leave, I had a “stop ‘n’ chat” about a new fitness regime with the lady who runs our classes. Another lady who seemed to be lurking around looked at me, and with the sweetest smile and most sincere tone in her voice said, “Aw, angel, with a pretty face like that, I’d get skinny.”

At that, I gave her what-for and punched her in the face.

Okay, not quite.

Turns out my brain didn’t even register her words at first. Instead, I felt myself go into shutdown mode. You know the feeling, when you imagine the floor swallowing you up as you escape with out a trace. I was wondering what was happening to me as I swallowed the huge lump that had formed in my throat, when it finally began to make sense in my brain.

Pretty...

Skinny...

Opposite of skinny...

Fat?

FAT!

These words floated across my mind’s eye as I tried to contain myself. The anger didn’t even hit me until I was speeding down Lehigh Street, relaying my encounter on my girls’ voicemails.

I don’t stay angry for long, it usually turns right into tears.

I haven’t been back to the gym since.

Back to Basics

I have always been a “mover.” Life has always had me in a different place every few years. We moved around a lot when I was a kid. It’s part of what has molded me, and yet, I have never felt settled or rooted anywhere.

Take having friends for example. Moving so often, I have always been able to adapt to new situations and to meet new people. Being friendly and outgoing are easy for me, but at the same time I struggle on the inside with acceptance.
“Will she like me? Will she want to be my friend?” These are very common thoughts in my head.

When I bond with another person, it’s a true connection and I do my best to nurture the relationship. But then life gets in the way and I am on to my next destination. Few friendships have lasted but those that have are my “girls” — the ones I call upon when I need them. Even if we have not spoken for a while, we are back to “us” as soon as one of us picks up the phone, and I absolutely love them for that.

As we were planning the big move into our home last week, with everything unsettled, I had started to flounder. I was looking to everyone and everywhere for that sense of approval and acceptance. I was looking so far out that I had bypassed the central support system of my husband, my “girls” and my mom. I ended up feeling empty-handed, lonely and left out. Once I realized I wasn’t going to find acceptance, sympathy and encouragement anywhere else, I also realized that it’s not about quantity with friendships, but that quality is where the richness lies. Even more so, my focus needs to be on the only person I can really control — myself.

As Earl Woods would say to his son, Tiger when he would falter on his game,
“Just bring it back to the basics.”

And that’s what I am doing.

new home, new beginning

We bought our first home. It’s been such a whirlwind of emotion and excitement. All the days leading up to the final meeting, or “The Closing” were filled with many unknowns, surprises, and setbacks. There were mountains of paperwork and a lot of signatures. I also learned my lesson with shredding documents. Um yeah, don’t shred important bank statements from your previous bank if you are in the process of securing a loan to buy a home. It all sounds so simple. Anyway, I saw the error of my ways and we were able to work our powers of whom we knew and moved through that hurdle only to come into another one. We made it through them all and when the last signature signed and the last hand shaken, Craig and I were official homeowners! Once we were given the golden keys (ok they were silver) we were the happiest couple ever.

On that day, before we drove to the new house, Craig took a small detour, to my work place, of all spots. I was a bit confused. He explained how he had borrowed my boss’s truck and once he opened the garage I could see in the bed of the truck were two beautiful white rocking chairs for our front porch! When he handed me a card, it all sunk in. This was where we had first met. We are married and now, homeowners.

Many friends and family have stopped over to see our progress and our customers at our work places are truly interested in our new venture. We have a back yard with a tree, a line of peonies and rose bushes that line the back and azaleas frame the front. We now take frequent breaks on our porch in the famous white rockers. Craig is in the process of sanding, scraping, caulking, and painting with some electrical work on the side, thanks to our brother-in-law. I am trying my thumbs at some gardening. It’s working out for us. We are both just so excited and cannot wait to move in!

"Closure"

As a Bride to Be, you spend most of your time researching vendors, fine-tuning your details, and filtering all the free advice offered to you. Oh, and yeah, you have to maintain your life, too — work, bills, gym, shopping, cooking, cleaning, cat litter, and being a good friend and family member, since you don’t want to be a self-centered bride after all. When your big day arrives, you cherish every moment of it and then you and your new hubby are off on your honeymoon. Perfect! Once you arrive home safe and sound, refreshed and relaxed, you have the task of thank you cards (I fought it as long as I could) and intertwining your life with your husband’s.

As the weeks start to go by, there are no more appointments to discuss decisions like square or round plates. The magazines have stopped coming in, and there are definitely no more drives to New York for your gown fitting, which now hangs in an armoire at your mother’s house, next to the large, beautifully hand-written seating chart listing all the names of your wedding guests. It might be a relief for some, but, well, a little letdown for others, ahem, like me. For as much planning advice was given to me, no one really talked about the period after the planning and big day are over. I whined about it a lot, maybe I was even more annoying than I was during my planning, (gotta ask my girls on that one. ;) But finally, Craig turned to me as said, “I really wish you wouldn’t be so sad. Please remember the great memories we had, and the ones we are going to make for the rest of our lives together?”

I bucked up. I got the point.

A few weeks ago, we ventured to the beach — the same exact stretch of beach where we became betrothed 20 months ago. Through our whole year of planning, leading up to our Day, we had never been back to our beach, and being a water lover this was such a refreshing return. More so, it was closure. Closure for my “post wedding blues.” It was comforting to return where we started the first part of our journey, to see where we are now, and to see our hope for the future. It’s bright! So bright, we’re buying a house, but that’s a whole other blog all together.

Just Another Day, Downtown in The City

One of the hardest things about being an actor and model is the constant personal scrutiny that one is forced to undergo on a regular basis. I mean really, in most lines of work, if the boss asked the job applicant to strip down to her underwear during the interview so he could get a good look from all angles, there would be serious problems.

But there are some days you when you just feel so ready for the audition, you don’t even care that the “changing room” is actually a conference room with no blinds on the windows, where you can look across the street and wave to the guys at the water cooler. Such was the case a couple of weeks ago, when I booked two auditions for the same day.

I arrived at the first casting, for a bridal wear company, and everything went so right. Being a newlywed, the environment felt very natural to me. I hit it off with everyone, feeling relaxed and posing with confidence, and they got some great Polaroids.

No time to chat, though. I’m off to the next one, walking down Park Avenue with an added sureness in my step. After another super positive reception and great feedback from the client, I decided to treat myself to a cab ride over to the best cup of coffee in town — Ninth Street Espresso. It was a little bit of a haul over to Alphabet City, but as I sat with a perfect café mocha, (don’t ask for a “mochaccino” or risk the barista’s sneer,) admiring the intricate latte artwork in the foam of my drink, I looked back on the day with great hopes.

A couple days later, after not hearing from either job, I started to feel a very strong letdown. One of the biggest factors for success in this business is perseverance, so instead of falling into feelings of disappointment and wondering why I didn’t book the gig, I’m choosing to remember that perfect cup of coffee, that strong feeling of confidence, and keep my chin up as I keep pushing forward.

"Surprise Day: Revealed"

Well, I guess you might say it was a “working surprise day.” After tying up some loose ends on the offer we are making on our first home — yep, I said new home, that’s a whole ‘nother three or four blog entries, there! — Craig made us a quick sandwich, and we were off to our first surprise destination.

We end up at Cracker Barrel, of all places, where we priced the rocking chairs which had caught our eyes the last time we met Craig’s parents there. We found out we could purchase chairs from their “scratch ‘n’ dent” category for half price. The worst wear we found on most of them was that the paint was scratched off at the end of the armrests. Craig summed it up by saying; “I would do that over the summer with my beer, anyway.” BINGO!!! They’ve got new shipments coming in regularly. We’ll find out when’s the one closest to our closing date and snatch them up then.

Next stop, Clark’s Appliances in Fleetwood, PA — the heart of Mennonite country. Clark’s is a small, family-run business where we got very careful informative service from one of the daughters. We went through all the various features of washers, dryers and refrigerators. We definitely made some informed decisions, but after over an hour of this, both of our heads were turning faster than an ultra-efficient spin-cycle. As we drove away and mulled over the items we picked, I realized that I never thought I would be this excited over appliances!

So, we relaxed for a bit, browsing at a home and garden center, daydreaming about what would look good at our new house, and then quickly reminding ourselves and each other that it’s not a done deal yet… we can’t get our hopes up until we have the keys. =)

And then we were off to beat closing time at the local dry goods store, where we stocked up on grains and beans and healthy snacks. So, a working surprise day. I’ll take it.
A girl can’t have diamonds every day.

"Surprise Blog"

Ahh… Surprise Day!

It’s one of the best days I ever came up with — not that I’ve come up with that many “days” — and I give myself major props for the idea. But, my work ends there. I have to say my husband Craig has done the best job with executing the concept, each with a fun, new, and exciting surprise.

It all started back in 2005 when our work schedules only gave us one day off together per week. With my modeling, sometimes we wouldn’t even have that. Instead of fighting the system (not that I would know how to do that, anyway ;) I came up with the brilliant idea of having Monday be the day one of us surprises the other with a fun activity to do.

My first go ‘round, I booked us some back-to-back full-body massages. (I must admit though, it really was Craig’s late birthday and Christmas gifts combined, but I do applaud my consolidation skills, and the massages were wonderful.) Craig’s turn and he takes us to Manayunk, near Philly for some used record shopping, a fabulous dinner, and a quiet walk along the river at twilight.

after the massages and before Manayunk, circa 2005

The following week was a little more low-key and he took us to the library, which was a lot more fun that that sounds. My turn, I bombed out by taking us to the car wash… NOT a good surprise day idea. I don’t think we even washed our cars.

So after my failed car wash idea Craig unofficially took over for surprise day, thank goodness. He has arranged a bunch of interesting and amusing plans. The Post Secret exhibit in Reading, PA, was extremely memorable, and just recently he included my Momma and took us to the beautiful Longwood Gardens in Kennett Square, just outside Philadelphia.

The best surprise day ever was the day we got engaged on the beach. He played an impromptu mini-concert on his saxophone with the ring box stashed in the bell of his horn. At the end he pretended like there was something wrong with it and made me look inside to see what it was.

Yeah, pretty amazing!

full story


So here I am getting ready for another surprise day. Turns out it’s on a Tuesday this week.

What shall the day hold for me this time? I am sure it’s something fun, since Craig has his finger on it!

Check back soon for the update!