Would you please be my PUH?

(Personal Umbrella Holder, that is)

I recently saw pictures of a few famous people, who shall remain nameless, in US weekly. Each of them had a PUH — on set, going to a premier, a party, the 7-11… Well, I believe, being the struggling actor/model that I am, that I actually need a PUH more than the already famous, simply due to the fact that once one becomes famous she doesn’t have to carry anything!!! So, really, it wouldn’t hurt her to carry her own umbrella.

Now, I have been to many castings and auditions. Each time I am carrying my portfolio, my music if it’s for musical theatre, and extra headshots so after the casting director calls me back right away and books me for the part, he can give those extra photos to Steven Spielberg on his coffee break, and, WOOHOO, I’m famous by lunch!

But, I digress. In addition to the marketing tools, I also carry a pair of heels to change into when I get to my destination — no one should walk around Manhattan in heels — and a few other unmentionables in case I’m asked to model some of the designer’s clothes. Oh, and please don’t forget the lip-gloss. Where does all of this go? In my huge over the shoulder tote, of course. Naturally, I always need my pink Blackberry handy to get that call from my pal, Steve. And hydration is important, so I need my eco-friendly water jug.

As you can imagine, this leaves me with absolutely no free hand for my umbrella. If it rains, it’s all over for me. I am dropping things, struggling to pick them up, dropping more things in the process, and my whole left side somehow becomes drenched. How DOES that happen?

So, you see, I definitely qualify for this service. Maybe I should call my congressman? I’m sure he could squeeze this somewhere in the new stimulus package!